Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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