I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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