just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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