you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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