why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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