Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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