Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
