i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
