sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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