i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
