ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
