I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
