I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Enjoy the penises
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
