I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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