I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
