Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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