Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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