he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love you. Go after that dick
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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