I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
