And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Pants are for mortals
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
