I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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