I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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