I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
