I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
