How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
