i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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