how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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