20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
