just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize