Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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