Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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