Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
