K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You don't make any sense
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