and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
