oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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