dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
