Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
