I am spending my child support on dildos
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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