hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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