I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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