so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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