I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
