i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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