you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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