You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
