But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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