Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we're making bets on your personal life
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
