Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
