these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
