Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
