I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
