Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
