How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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