somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
