so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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