please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
