sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think my vagina is haunted
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
should my penis look like a turkey
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
