She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
