Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
