im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
