If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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