quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
