I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
