I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
