Will you blow on my dice?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
