i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
