I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
