Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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