May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
