We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
