I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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