ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
