Where did you get a picture of my penis
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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