I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
