Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
