i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
