id be glad to
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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